Not Mandatory But Freaking Good: Blog Girl Crushes Part VI

Christine Teigen of Sodelushious.com

I follow Christine Teigen on Twitter because she's unapologetically judgy in a funny way and I love that in a person. It makes my inner-bitch happy.

Anyway, I knew Christine had a food blog but I'm a vegan and Christine doesn't "fux with vegans". What would be the point of reading about dead, rotting flesh soaking in different sauces?

Um, you so silly Juwon. Christine is hilarious. Everything she writes is awesome.

New bucket-list item: become Christine's friend.

I'm currently reading all of her posts and it truly is a great read for anyone who loves food. Do something nice for your inner-fatty!

Not Vegan But So Good.

I ate out of it. It made me sick because my body doesn't really fuck with dairy anymore but dear God it was good.

This is my go-to when I want to gift someone with a treat that won't take forever to make. It is loved by all.

The recipe is from the NY Times.

 I discovered it on Downtownromantic.com

Time: 20 minutes, plus overnight freezing

48 saltine crackers
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 pound unsalted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 cups semisweet chocolate chips.

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees. Line a sheet pan or large cookie sheet with sides with heavy-duty aluminum foil. Arrange the crackers side by side in a single layer on the foil. In a small saucepan, melt the sugar and butter, stirring constantly until they bubble, about 2 to 3 minutes. Remove from heat and quickly stir in the vanilla. Pour evenly over the crackers and, using a spatula, spread to cover evenly.
2. Bake immediately. After 7 minutes, remove the pan from the oven and sprinkle the chocolate chips evenly over the crackers. Return to the top rack of the oven and bake for 2 minutes more. Spread the chocolate evenly over the crackers with a clean spatula. Cool for 20 to 30 minutes before transferring the tray to the freezer. The next day, peel off the foil and break the brickle into pieces. Keep frozen or refrigerated. Yield: About 2 pounds.

A version of this recipe appeared in the New York Times print on December 15, 1999

Fatty Logic.

So I've been exercising regularly since January. I run up and down the stairs and do strength exercises and I've gone from being a "as long as it didn't use to move" vegan to a "I like to eat clean so no white flour, rice, sugar" vegan.

And you know what?

It's working. Dammit all that talk about exercise and watching what you eat is true. I've lost weight, I have all this energy, my butt looks good.

 So why oh why did the universe see now as a good time to let my knee problems flare up?

I'm in so much pain. My knees are killing me. They hurt when I climb the stairs, they hurt when I sit, they hurt when I kneel down to greet the old people and they even hurt when I stand too long.

 I'm 27. This is messed up.

Now, I read that a strenuous exercise like stairs should be done every other day so your muscles have time to recuperate. I will admit that I said "eff that, burn fat burn" and did it every day. So I basically screwed myself because now I have to cut back.

The plan is to increase my strength exercises to help my knees muscle up or something. I'll also walk on the days I don't do stairs and hope that it helps.

My point? Basically my knee problems bummed me out big time. Because I've been working so hard and I feel like the stairs were my secret weapon. So what did I do to console myself?

I ate a big bowl of banana pudding yesterday. I made it with the intention of only indulging in a little bit (1/2 a cup) every day. Well that went out the effing window. Banana pudding pie was my lunch, snack and dinner.

That was yesterday. I told myself "no more!" after I finished up my bowl, and promised myself I'd be good today. But then I found pop-tarts and it had been such a long time and I decided "screw it" and ate four.

Inner Dialogue: Fuckity fuck Juwon! Really? Four pop-tarts! FOUR? How are you even functioning? What's wrong with you?

Before, I never really felt guilty about what I ate. Now, I truly feel bad for putting so much crap in my body. I'm still undecided on whether this is a good thing (because being healthy is important) or a bad thing (because I'm also letting societal pressures dictate how I should look).

Oy vey.

I leave you with this:

I won't.
I shouldn't. 
I'll only have a little. 
I'll start over tomorrow. 
Screw it, I've already messed up. 

Fatty logic.

*Banana Pudding Pie recipe coming soon.

Veganize It: Oatmeal Banana Carrot Muffins

Holy Mary Joseph Baby Jesus Chocolate.

 These were so good. So very good. And so freaking easy. Disgustingly easy.

These muffins don't have added sugar or wheat flour in them. And they were good. I wrote that already, sorry.

The modified recipe is below.

The link to the original recipe is below. Enjoy! http://half-bakedbaker.blogspot.com/2009/01/guilt-and-gulten-free-oatmeal-banana.html?m=1

1 1/2 cups of oats makes 1 cup of oat flour

Bake: in 400ºF oven for 20 minutes

1 1/4 cup rolled oats

1 cup soy milk

1/3 cup oil, sunflower or vegetable oil

6 bananas, medium, ripe, mashed

1 1/2 cup oat flour

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 cup of shredded carrots

 Instructions:

 In a bowl mix together rolled oats and milk. Let soak for 10 minutes. Mix oat flour, salt, spices, baking powder and baking soda in a bowl. Add mashed banana, and oil to rolled oats mixture. Add carrots. Mix well. Add dry ingredients to the rolled oats mixture. Mix well. Fill greased or paper lined muffin cups 2/3 full. Bake for approximately 20 minutes.

Veganize It: Nutella

It's been a long long time since I did a "Veganize It" post. The funny thing is, I've been documenting my attempts at veganizing meals I used to enjoy for years. I have so many pictures I need to upload and I promise I eventually will.

Anyway, I was in a shitty mood a few days ago so I decided to bake. Since, I didn't have anything of my own to bake, I took my roomie's gluten free cake mix and got busy.

By the way, Amber is totally fine with me taking her stuff and baking. She's not a baker, I'm a baker. She doesn't have to do the work but still gets to enjoy the fruits of my labor and I get to bake. It's a win-win.

So the cake was criminally easy to make and it came out perfectly ( I also made cinnamon raisin bread that was gangsta). The only thing I switched was apple spice for vanilla extract. Neither of us had frosting so she brought out her unopened jar of Nutella, a hazelnut spread. I have never tried Nutella before so I took a lick.

And then I had an orgasm.

Kidding!

But seriously guys, holy shit! I had no idea something that yummy existed and now I feel like the first 25 years of my life meant nothing. Nutella is AWESOME!!!

It's also not vegan. Dairy really does make me sick so I needed to find a non-dairy version of Nutella pronto.

When I googled "vegan nutella recipes" and a bunch of links popped up, I wasn't surprised. Of course I'm not the first person desperately trying to find a way to enjoy this decadent spread without breaking out like a teenage boy.

There are a lot of recipes to choose from and I plan on trying every last one of them. In the mean time, I needed a recipe that was super simple. I didn't have the money to go out and buy hazelnuts so I had to make do with what I did have: peanut butter, vegan chocolate bars and sugar.
Desperate times people.

This peanut butter can be purchased at Target. I could have done without the flax seeds but what are ya gonna do?
The NibMor chocolate was purchased at the Union Square farmer's market. I ended up adding honey to sweeten the spread after I realized (too late) that the sugar wasn't melting and it was making the consistency grainy. The honey was a great addition to this chocolate peanut-butter spread.

And there you have it people It doesn't have the hazelnut taste I love but it definitely satisfied my cravings. Here's the recipe I used as a guideline. I didn't use soy powder because I didn't have it but I think this came out well without it.

FOOD: Sweet Sensation

Here are some pictures of what I consider a typical fast food restaurant in Nigeria.

People come in and can either get their orders to go or to stay. I haven't seen a drive-thru at a restaurant yet.

Can anyone tell me if we have them in Nigeria?

Most places serve food westerners would be used to like fries, fried chicken, barbecued chicken, rotisserie chicken, burgers, sandwiches etc.

Meat pies, scotch eggs aren't really big in the states but I know the Brits are familiar with those foods. Most restaurants have that too.

Then we have more traditional foods like jollof rice and moin moin.

Then there's usually ice cream and sodas and juices and all that healthy stuff.

FOOD: Yams and Sautéed Vegetables

One of my favorite things about being home is my mom's cooking. And the fruit I can't find in Nigeria. And those plantain chips people sell on the street.

Okay, one of my favorite things about being home is the food in general. I'm a huge fan of food. HUGE and so I've taken a picture of everything I've eaten so far. Sure, people gave me weird looks and my grandmother asked my parents what was wrong with me but I take my blogging duties seriously enough to do what I gotta do.

: )
So I was halfway through my meal when I remembered to take photos!

As many of you may know, I don't eat animal products. Friends asked me how I would cope in Nigeria but it really wasn't a problem at all. There are so many different fruit, vegetable and bean dishes that it's hard to feel deprived.

Yam tubers are like potatoes but better in my humble opinion. Here's the Wikipedia page. You can do so much with yams; pounded yam, which is like a denser version of mashed potatoes, is very popular here. And you can find yam powder in the states so it must at least be a little popular over there too : )

My mom sautéed eggplants, peppers, tomatoes and onions for me. Thanks Mom!

Yummy : )

FOOD: Akara and Um, I'm Not Quite Sure.

In my family, we call this fruit um fruit. The tree these fruit grown on is called the fruit tree.

We Ajayis don't really go for originality.

After some researching (are they iyeyes?), I'm nowhere closer to knowing exactly what this fruit is so if anyone can enlighten me, please do.


They sure are yummy though.

Akara/ bean cakes/ bean balls/ black bean fritters (really?) are a lot less complicated. Here's the recipe.


Yum : )

FOOD: Making Ewedu Soup

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I love Ewedu soup. I just wanted to show you guys the plant it comes from.

FOOD: Cashew Apples

Readers, that oddly shaped thing in the picture above is a cashew apple. It's called an accessory fruit since technically, the kidney shaped thing hanging from it is the fruit but I find the term insulting since cashew apples are the business.

Besides, without roasting the part that houses the cashew nut, eating it is dangerous. Check out the Wikipedia page for more info.

The cashew apple is incredibly juicy (the taste actually reminds me of lychees) and yummy but the skin is super delicate so they don't travel very well. Some people chew it until the juice is drained but I prefer to eat the whole thing.


Yum : )


Have any of you guys ever tried the cashew apple?

FOOD: Mangoes and Agbalumos

Sigh.

Do you know what's in the picture above? It's heaven.

In my humble opinion, there are few things that compare to the perfection of fruits. Nature's candy is diverse in flavor and texture.

Yum : )

My mom knows how much I love fruits so she picked a bunch of mangoes and she bought a bag of agbalumos (all the cherimoyas were gone from the tree by the time I flew in unfortunately).

Mom, you're the best!!!!

What is an agbalumo?

I wish I had a link to send you guys but there aren't any websites that seem to really know what kind of fruit it is. It's referred to as a white star apple but that's a completely different fruit.

Maybe it's in the same fruit family...

Anyway, it's nature's equivalent to a Sour Punch.



After making love to my mango, I split the agbalumo open. The white part of the fruit is usually sweet and covers the seeds which are not edible.



I like to scoop each seed out (there are usually four to five in each fruit), pop them in my mouth and kind of suck the white part off.


The seed.

This orange part of the fruit is where the sour punch reference comes in. The white flesh is sweet while the orange part of the fruit is squint your eyes sour.

After picking the flesh clean off the skin (hehe, I'm a cannibal), I'm done. I recommend everyone try agbalumos and cherimoyas at least once. You won't regret it and it won't give you malaria, promise.

: )

Food: Wheat Flour, Vegetable Stew and Ewedu Soup

My first full day back, I woke up and my mom told me to get my hair braided.

Let me just say, the woman here can braid hair like nobody's business! They are super talented and criminally cheap. I think my braids would have cost about 1000 naira ($1.00 is equivalent to 160 naira) but my mom always pays more because people here always do a great job.

Anyway, my friend Leke called some time in the afternoon and said "hey, I'm an hour away. See you soon!" I wasn't expecting to see anyone that day but was psyched all the same. Going to secondary school in Nigeria (Home Science Secondary School what what!) resulted in life-long friendships that I value.

Here's a pic of me and Leke looking zexy.

After he left, it was time to eat!

YAY!!!!!!!

Being home means eating my mom's cooking which is the best thing ever. EVER.

That night my mom cooked what we call wheat, vegetable stew and ewedu. Let me break it down for you:


Yum yum yum : )

The wheat is actually wheat flour made into a paste. My mom goes to the open-air market (Kola market is closest to us), and has the wheat milled to make the flour. When she gets home, she mixes some of the flour (the same type used to make bread) with hot water to make the paste.

The vegetable stew is made with green leaves we call "water leaf", chopped peppers, tomatoes, onions, Maggi and palm oil. It's sauteed. My mom usually adds dry fish to this dish as well but she skipped that part for me.

Ewedu is my favorite thing to eat when I'm home. Mainly because I don't even know where to find it in the states. Water leaf tastes like spinach to me so I have no problem substituting it but ewedu is special. The leaves are picked from the stem and then either chopped up into tiny pieces or blended. it starts to get this slimy consistency that used to kind of gross me out to be honest.

But I'm older now and appreciate foods more exotic than french fries.

Ewedu soup is kind of bland but my mom adds locust beans to it and I love those little suckers so I'm always happy when I eat them.

What do you guys think? If I cooked it, would you try the meal?

Eating my Feelings

Some of you already know this but I’m currently master cleansing (I’ll explain why and everything else in tomorrow’s post, readers).

I didn’t feel the need to write on Days 1, 2 or 3 because I was feeling pretty good. Today, however, is a totally different story. I was craving food a bit yesterday but it wasn’t terrible.

Today is different. All I’m thinking about is food! But something happened today that makes me wonder why I'm craving food.

I received a text from my mom this morning saying my grandfather passed away. I’m upset but I’m not going to fake a relationship that I never had with the man. I, unfortunately, didn’t know my grandfather very well.

If I’m honest with myself, the tears and the loss I feel is because I will never get a chance to know the man who helped bring my favorite person into the world. That sucks and now I want food.

So I stayed home today just because I wasn’t up to going to work. I wanted to be able to talk to family and cry without having to run out of my cubicle at Internship # 4.

But staying home was a huge mistake. I was thinking I could clean my room or do some work but I couldn’t concentrate so I decided to forget about my life for a while and watch some soaps. The thing I forgot was how soap operas have commercials and an alarming amount of commercials are advertising some kind of food.

So now, I have Ferrero Rocher chocolates on my mind. Not to mention the fact that my dear neighbor Mr. B brought over a loaf of fresh baked bread that is currently taunting me from the freezer. And I have two chunks of pineapple left in my fridge from last week.

In short, I want fooooooooooood.

Sigh.

4 days almost down, 11 days to go (though I’m seriously considering stopping after Day 10).