Fatty Logic.

So I've been exercising regularly since January. I run up and down the stairs and do strength exercises and I've gone from being a "as long as it didn't use to move" vegan to a "I like to eat clean so no white flour, rice, sugar" vegan.

And you know what?

It's working. Dammit all that talk about exercise and watching what you eat is true. I've lost weight, I have all this energy, my butt looks good.

 So why oh why did the universe see now as a good time to let my knee problems flare up?

I'm in so much pain. My knees are killing me. They hurt when I climb the stairs, they hurt when I sit, they hurt when I kneel down to greet the old people and they even hurt when I stand too long.

 I'm 27. This is messed up.

Now, I read that a strenuous exercise like stairs should be done every other day so your muscles have time to recuperate. I will admit that I said "eff that, burn fat burn" and did it every day. So I basically screwed myself because now I have to cut back.

The plan is to increase my strength exercises to help my knees muscle up or something. I'll also walk on the days I don't do stairs and hope that it helps.

My point? Basically my knee problems bummed me out big time. Because I've been working so hard and I feel like the stairs were my secret weapon. So what did I do to console myself?

I ate a big bowl of banana pudding yesterday. I made it with the intention of only indulging in a little bit (1/2 a cup) every day. Well that went out the effing window. Banana pudding pie was my lunch, snack and dinner.

That was yesterday. I told myself "no more!" after I finished up my bowl, and promised myself I'd be good today. But then I found pop-tarts and it had been such a long time and I decided "screw it" and ate four.

Inner Dialogue: Fuckity fuck Juwon! Really? Four pop-tarts! FOUR? How are you even functioning? What's wrong with you?

Before, I never really felt guilty about what I ate. Now, I truly feel bad for putting so much crap in my body. I'm still undecided on whether this is a good thing (because being healthy is important) or a bad thing (because I'm also letting societal pressures dictate how I should look).

Oy vey.

I leave you with this:

I won't.
I shouldn't. 
I'll only have a little. 
I'll start over tomorrow. 
Screw it, I've already messed up. 

Fatty logic.

*Banana Pudding Pie recipe coming soon.

Subway Playlist: Working Out Sucks So Bad But Music Makes iIt Beter.

I'm trying to lose weight. I don't want to get into it. It just makes me mad.

I hate watching what I eat. I just want to be able to eat something I like until I'm full.

I hate working out. I hate sweating. I hate it when my heart rate increases. I hate floor exercises, stomach exercises and squats. I hate sweating (it needed to be mentioned twice).

Let's not even begin to discuss what working out has done to my hair. Frizzy, kinky roots are not something I can make work.

But I monitor what I eat and I work out anyway. I fucking hate it but I do it and I'll continue to do it because if I don't I'll gain weight and make it easier for life to screw me and give me diabetes, cancer, high-blood pressure etc.

Anywho, this playlist rocks my world and helps me forget about the sweat:

Calvin Harris - Feel So Close

Metric - Dead Disco

Metric - Monster Hospital

Alex Clare - Too Close

Metric - Help I'm Alive

Beyonce - Get me Bodied

Beyonce - Diva

Shakira - La Tortura

Shakira - Loca

Beyonce - Green Light

Taylor Swift - We Are Never Getting Back Together

Pitbull - Hey Baby

The songs aren't exactly new but they help me get revved up enough to keep on going.

I run up and down a flight of stairs for the 44 mins of this playlist, visualizing myself driving my dream car, dancing up a storm in a Parisian nightclub, having a blast at my book release party, hanging out with my friends in Orlando, NY, and Antigua, salsa dancing in Miami in a sexy orangey-pink dress.

I get super-specific with my daydreams.