Sunday, May 2, 2010

A Black Woman's Love Life: One Epic Fail

"How many men do you men...who can effectively deal with
a mate who has more education...and makes more money?
Not many. They freak.
" Drew's friend, Jungle Fever.

Greetings from my incredibly hot room.

I apologize for the weird posting; I forgot it was scheduled to be posted on Friday and I never finished it.

I’ve been sitting on this video for months now, debating whether or not throwing my opinion into the discussion would be worth it. After all, this topic is more played out than a Lady Gaga song.

But it's out now so...

Let the rant begin.

I’ve posted quite a few videos that have been making the rounds online. They are all about black women and why they’re still single. More specifically, they discuss black women and their standards, the demise of the black family and dating outside of one’s race.

Check out the videos if you have time. If you’d rather not, I’ll list off some statistics for you:
  • According to the ABC News video, there are more black women than black men in the United States. 2 million more.
  • If every black man married a black woman, one in twelve would still find themselves left out.
  • 42% of black women have never been married.

The statistics go on and on. So what’s the problem?

Well it looks like the blame has been put on me and every other single black lady out there. We’re too picky. Yep, we are too picky.
Hill Harper explains “95% of black women want the 5% of black men” ,
Jimmy Israel calls it the “”Denzel Principle”. He says “you’re looking for Mr.Perfect when you yourself aren't.”

Steve Harvey says pretty much the same thing. Black women don’t want to date a black man who doesn’t have his shit together and they need to learn to date men who may not.
This brings me to a very interesting article. The New York Times article pretty much explored the repercussions of men marrying women who were more successful professionally.

I, for one, am utterly bored with this topic which is why it’s taken me so long to address it. There really isn’t a satisfactory explanation for why black women are still single. It is what it is.

I can't speak for anyone but myself so I won't generalize.

I'm called picky all the time. ALL the time. And I don't give a rat's ass. Because I know I'm not. Picky is dissing a guy because his sneakers aren't designer. Picky is turning a guy down because he doesn't like the same music as you.

I will give every guy a chance, meaning I'll talk to you.

I am, however, careful. In my experience, ignoring my instincts and going on a date when I knew it wasn't right has been a waste of my time.

  • I meet way too many guys who are suffering from the slut syndrome. They have girlfriends and still try to date someone on the side. And then they have the audacity to get angry when a woman finds out and wants to end things (like they're doing all women a favor by dating as many of us as possible).
  • I meet way too many guys who think because they speak English, they're special.You don't have a job, fine. But you're not in school either. You're not disabled, so what are you doing? Surely you don't expect me to date someone who has no desire whatsoever to do anything. If that's the case, you're just a walking vibrator.
  • I meet way too many guys who want a 10 when they're a 4 at best.
  • I meet way too many guys who become resentful instead of supportive when their girlfriends' careers take off.
  • I meet way too many guys who don't reciprocate the support they expect.

Like I said, it is what it is. But for the sake of this argument, let me lower my expectations. I'll throw my ridiculous list out the window and start off easy: be single. Really single. Don't have a wife or a girlfriend and try talking to me.

I can tell you right now that eliminates most of the guys that have approached me in the last three years.

Now let's start the talk about how "women expect too much from men" and "men will be men and do what men do".

So over it.


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  2. OMG. I had no idea about the statistics of available black men in this country!

    I really respect these women for sticking to their guns and not settling. While none of these ladies gave me a particularly haterish vibe, you wouldn't believe how many BG's give me the evil eye because I am dating what they want: 6'3, college educated, financially stable, supportive, committed, Black man.

    I wouldn't change a thing!! He's a diamond in the rough!! But that clip helps me understand a lot.

    I miss you girl... hit me up on my secret blog:

  3. Hey girlie! That's a problem some black women have but it's not your fault. Love is love and you can't get angry at people for being happy.

    I miss you too! Am I going to see you at graduation next week?