When Your Taste in Men is Shit.

I realized I've been dating for ten years. Isn't that crazy? I don't even know how to feel about that. If dating was a career and the last ten years were a bust, wouldn't it be time to switch careers?

Or is it more about the journey and all that other zen stuff?

We can all hope that as we age, we wizen up. I certainly have. There are a lot of things I believed in and did in my late teens/early twenties that I now realize was just stupid. For example, after reflecting on the past ten years, I can admit my taste in men was bad.

I would have saved myself a lot of time if I had some standards and stuck to them.

I realize now that:

I no longer feel the need to entertain a guy just because he's interested in me. 

My mother has started giving my number out to randoms. I guess I should be more upset but I really don't care. My policy is "just because you call, doesn't mean I have to pick up the phone."

I can't tell you how many guys I went out with because I wanted to give them a chance, even though I wouldn't let them near my hands, let alone my vagina. Ladies, if you're not into the guy asking, don't feel bad about it and go out with him anyway.


Sensitive, arty types with hipster tendencies are the WORST.

Having a boyfriend seemed like one of the most amazing things ever as a teenager. But it wasn't just about having a boyfriend, it was about having the right boyfriend. I'm a product of the 90s and I was an angsty youth which pretty much means Angela Chase was my jam. So in my head, the perfect guy for me had to be sensitive but strong, self-deprecating but confident, good-looking but completely unaware of it, and an artist (because I wanted someone who would "get me"), a fan of indie music (being in a band was negotiable).

28 yr old me to 17 yr old me: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! 

Does a good-looking artist who is confident but modest exist? I'll never know because I am done with artists.

What used to sound so cool to me is, in reality, a freaking nightmare. I dated an actor for a while. I have never been with a more confused, indecisive person in my life. There's nothing romantic about a guy that doesn't know what he wants.

Guys either like you or they don't.

Look, don't waste your time with guys who can't take the time to pick up a phone and call. Don't waste your time on a guy that makes every single warning sign buzz and light up. If you have to constantly rationalize why he:

only texts you at night,

is in a "complicated" relationship,

likes you a lot but doesn't want to put labels on anything,

doesn't know what you do for a living/ what your last name is/ takes you to a steak restaurant on your bday even though you're a vegan and you told him that (true fucking story).

ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!

So my goal in life is to find a balance between these ideas:

Don't waste your time. 

AND

Don't crap on anything in life that teaches you a lesson and helps you grow.

Here's to figuring it out.

Men & Fashion: A Few Tips From a Woman

Hello readers! I had the pleasure of meeting Maurice Ajanaku of Ajanaku.com during Lagos Fashion and Design Week 2012. Ajanaku.com is an awesome lifestyle site that will appeal to anyone with an interest in art, fashion, gourmet food and the other pretty things in life.

I wrote a post for the site a few months back and I want to share it.

If you're a guy: I'm here to help you not look like a douche.

If you;re a girl: I'm here to help you help your guy not look like a douche.

Check out the cheeky post here.


Did I miss any essential points?

Real Men Drink Guinness

I love this ad so much, I take pictures of the billboards whenever I’m out.

Guinness is a staple in Nigeria. Every time I see this ad I think of my father and uncles (all manly men) sitting at the table, enjoying their stouts.

Imagine a bunch of manly men at a table. Now say “come drink at the table of men” but say it in a deep voice. Think Gerard Butler as Leonidus in 300.

See?

JMO: Blake Lively Is Not A Skank, Slut, Whore, Slore.

"Ok, so we're all here 'cause of this book, right? Well, I don't know who wrote this book, but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores."

- Tina Fey's Ms. Norbury, Mean Girls

She's had the kind of last two years that catapults careers and she's  linked to some of the hottest men in Hollywood on a regular basis. This makes mean, bored housewives with nothing better to do call her a slut on People.com because she didn't decide to go celibate after breaking up with Penn Badgley.


But you know what?  I applaud her. I take off my hat and say "well done good sir"! Because she is talented (compared to other actresses anyway). And she's 24, single and hot. Why shouldn't she date? Because she has a vagina?

Put down the haterade and think for a moment. If you're single, you're young, and attractive, you're gonna date. Yeah, the guys we spend Friday night with probably don't look like Leo and Ryan but that's not her fault. We all date; some dates turn into relationships and some don't.

You gotta sample the rainbow before you find the gold. Let her sample the rainbow!


I'm on a break from sampling right now. When I look at the rainbow Blake Lively gets to sample from and I look at mine, I get kinda sad.

A Black Woman's Love Life: One Epic Fail

"How many men do you know...black men...who can effectively deal with
a mate who has more education...and makes more money?
Not many. They freak." Drew's friend, Jungle Fever.

















Greetings from my incredibly hot room.

I apologize for the weird posting; I forgot it was scheduled to be posted on Friday and I never finished it.

I’ve been sitting on this video for months now, debating whether or not throwing my opinion into the discussion would be worth it. After all, this topic is more played out than a Lady Gaga song.

But it's out now so...

Let the rant begin.

I’ve posted quite a few videos that have been making the rounds online. They are all about black women and why they’re still single. More specifically, they discuss black women and their standards, the demise of the black family and dating outside of one’s race.

Check out the videos if you have time. If you’d rather not, I’ll list off some statistics for you:

• According to the ABC News video, there are more black women than black men in the United States. 2 million more.
• If every black man married a black woman, one in twelve would still find themselves left out.
• 42% of black women have never been married.

The statistics go on and on. So what’s the problem?

Well it looks like the blame has been put on me and every other single black lady out there. We’re too picky. Yep, we are too picky.
Hill Harper explains “95% of black women want the 5% of black men” ,
Jimmy Israel calls it the “”Denzel Principle”. He says “you’re looking for Mr.Perfect when you yourself aren't.”

Steve Harvey says pretty much the same thing. Black women don’t want to date a black man who doesn’t have his shit together and they need to learn to date men who may not.
This brings me to a very interesting article. The New York Times article pretty much explored the repercussions of men marrying women who were more successful professionally.

I, for one, am utterly bored with this topic which is why it’s taken me so long to address it. There really isn’t a satisfactory explanation for why black women are still single. It is what it is.

I can't speak for anyone but myself so I won't generalize.

I'm called picky all the time. ALL the time. And I don't give a rat's ass. Because I know I'm not. Picky is dissing a guy because his sneakers aren't designer. Picky is turning a guy down because he doesn't like the same music as you.

I will give every guy a chance, meaning I'll talk to you.

I am, however, careful. In my experience, ignoring my instincts and going on a date when I knew it wasn't right has been a waste of my time.

• I meet way too many guys who are suffering from the slut syndrome. They have girlfriends and still try to date someone on the side. And then they have the audacity to get angry when a woman finds out and wants to end things (like they're doing all women a favor by dating as many of us as possible).
• I meet way too many guys who think because they speak English, they're special.You don't have a job, fine. But you're not in school either. You're not disabled, so what are you doing? Surely you don't expect me to date someone who has no desire whatsoever to do anything. If that's the case, you're just a walking vibrator.
  
• I meet way too many guys who want a 10 when they're a 4 at best.
• I meet way too many guys who become resentful instead of supportive when their girlfriends' careers take off.
• I meet way too many guys who don't reciprocate the support they expect.

Like I said, it is what it is. But for the sake of this argument, let me lower my expectations. I'll throw my ridiculous list out the window and start off easy: be single. Really single. Don't have a wife or a girlfriend and try talking to me.

I can tell you right now that eliminates most of the guys that have approached me in the last three years.

Now let's start the talk about how "women expect too much from men" and "men will be men and do what men do".

So over it.

Yes Yes Yes!

Dear God thank you for giving us Johnny Depp.

Amen.

I'll be picking up this copy of GQ like now : )

My Neighbor’s either kind of hot or I need a new prescription.

So I didn’t sleep last night (which looking back now didn’t do me any good). I’m tired, I’m sweaty and I have a workload that doesn’t ever get smaller. So I go the kitchen to refuel with some water.
I’m chilling, filling up my cup, humming Smooth Criminal to myself (shout out to the music man). I look out the window and there he is, just standing on his roof.
He’s buff, he’s shirtless, he has tattoos, from far away he looks attractive and I have a camera. What would you do in my situation?

I’m a writer, I document everything.