‎ Thanks for the memories, San Diego :) ‎

I've been trying to think of something good to write about my last six months in San Diego. I wanted to write something that would perfectly describe how beautiful it is, words that honored my feelings. I can't. I don't even know where to start. I can't wrap up the experience in one post. I have thousands of pictures (literally) that I hoard because I'm postponing having to put them up. It's overwhelming to gain so much in such a short amount of time. To have so many amazing memories with so many amazing people (in addition to the wonderful people I already know) feels unreal and embarrassingly extravagant . 

I wonder how I got so lucky.‎

"Progress not Perfection"

A few months ago I wrote about the phrase, "be kind to yourself" and what it meant to me.

I recognized that for a good part of my life I went through this cycle of abandon, guilt and then punishment when it came to my physical appearance.

I decided to stop. I stopped comparing myself to others, I stopped depriving myself to fit into a mold, I stopped feeling guilty. I stopped thinking or I tried to. I'd be lying if I said I succeeded in undoing years of programming that taught me I wasn't the standard when it came to beauty. The motivation, however, behind it all was to be kind to myself.  I think in that respect, I'm loads better.

Now it's time for me to re-interpret what being kind to myself means in my life. For me, I believe what we put in and on our bodies is important. I believe what we consume has the power to heal and that everything we need to be our healthiest and happiest is provided by the earth.

So as I approach 30, it's really important to me that I make my health a priority. I choose to do that by consuming foods that will serve a purpose in my body and by making sure I'm strong.

I'm sharing this on social media because I want us all to think about ways we can be kind to ourselves. Sometimes that means not beating yourself up for having a slutty brownie or three. Other times, it means drinking your green smoothie and working out.

Balance :)

To All The Boys I Loved Before.

Be Kind To Yourself

I moved to San Diego to learn some things about myself and it's definitely happening.

My friends tell me all the time that I'm too hard on myself. I am... but in a very funny way. I think it's good when you can poke fun of your flaws and shortcomings; I'd rather tease myself than take myself too seriously or become one of those people that actually think their shit doesn't stink.

With that said, I've noticed that people I've only known for a month are saying the same thing. ‎

I was talking to my new roommate and joked about something (probably my ass) and he said "it's better to come from a place of positivity when you're trying to change something you know?" 

Whoa. ‎

First of all: Yes, Jack. Yes.‎

Second of all: What kind of energy am I putting out there that makes people notice that I'm my harshest critic?  ‎

I'm ready to change.

First order of business? I'm going to be kind to myself.

It's the phrase I constantly repeat to myself these days. Be kind to yourself. I think we all could do a better job of showing ourselves some compassion. I'm applying this way of thinking to every aspect of my life.

For example, when it comes to my body, I am way too fixated on looking a certain way. I had a folder of over 300 pics of women's bodies I wanted on my phone. I write "had" because I just deleted all of them. It's one thing to be inspired by someone, it's another thing entirely to value her or his body over your own.‎

Every time I want to beat myself up for not being skinnier, more successful, better at adulting, I'm going to remind myself to be kind. It's not about excuses, being lazy, becoming complacent. It's about continuing to push oneself to do better out of love instead of hate. It's about ackowledging my successes instead of harping on my failures and it's about making sure everything I do is coming from a place of positivity.

Who's with me?

Hi, I'm Juwon and Sometimes I'm Sad.

It’s okay to admit that you’re not okay, take the necessary steps to take care of yourself, and work on making things better. Not only is it okay, it’s really important.

Bad things happen to all of us. I’ve said it before but it bears repeating: what these past few years have taught me is that a “good life” isn’t about the ways you are blessed, it’s about getting up and walking forward when everything goes to shit.

 I wrote about my father’s death a lot on my blog. And I’ve written about my brother-in-law’s death. It’s not a fun, light topic so I’ve been reluctant to really open up about it, especially to strangers who don’t know me or my family.

 I sometimes wonder if part of that reluctance to write about the more personal aspects of my life stems from fear of judgement. I certainly don't want to be looked at differently or considered "emotionally fragile". I don't identify with that; if anything I see myself and anyone else who has been through some tough situations as a hardcore motherfucker.

Anyway, I want to help people and I’m hoping "sharing" does.

I have a lot of experience being a caretaker. It’s not easy. It’s physically and emotionally exhausting and if you’re not careful, it can really put you in a funk. I found myself in that exact situation in 2015. I recognized that while I was busy taking care of others and - let’s be honest - distracting myself, I was not taking caring of myself. Physically I was fine but I wasn't taking care of my mental health and I wasn’t even praying anymore.

I kept myself busy with anything I could because if I stopped for a second to self-reflect, I would burst into tears. I knew I needed to take care of what was going on before it became a problem.

A lot of people were confused about my move. When I wrote my last post and mentioned how I still struggle with the death of my dad, brother-in-law and dog, some reached out and told me they had no idea I was so sad. I think I speak for everyone who has ever lost a loved one when I say you never stop being sad about it. I think over time we adapt and learn to live as the people our experiences have made us.

That's what I'm trying to do.

Why San Diego?

Some people have asked me why I moved to San Diego. There are so many factors that went into making this decision.

 One: I HATE winter in the Northeast.

 I hate it. Snow is stupid, being cold is the worst. To me, hell is a frozen wasteland where I have to shovel all day every day while my hat keeps on sliding off, the wind feels like a slap to the face, my lips are cracking and I can't feel my fingers and toes.

 So the weather was a huge reason.  Also, this lady on a plane told me to.

I was on my way to Nigeria from NYC with a layover in Paris and I was seated next‎ to this French lady on the way to visit her mother. We chatted about books mostly and then she asked where I lived. At the time, I was in CT with Yemi. I asked her where she lived. She replied, "San Diego". She met her American husband in France and followed him back to SD and she's lived there since.

She talked about how beautiful it is and I told her I always wanted to live there. She then asked me, "are you married?"
 I said no. 
 She asked, "do you have kids?"
 I said no.
 She looked at me and said "what's stopping you?"

 The lady made a very valid point.
 It took me a couple of years but I made it, nice French lady.

 Aside from that, I decided to move to San Diego because my heart is broken.

Is that too honest? Well, it's the truth.

 Dad, Jay, Scooby. Losing them hurt so much and I never dealt with it. I just threw myself into looking after my loved ones so I didn't have to address my feelings too deeply.

I'll get into this more another time since it's so heavy and this post was meant to be easy breezy, like all of my stereotypical assumptions about Californians.

 Long story short, I decided to move to San Diego because I wanted to enjoy sorting myself out while wearing a sundress.

Has anyone ever moved to another town for a random reason? I'd love to read about the experience that led you to where you are now.

West Coast Living in 2016

"I want to love all of my life as much as I love this night".

That’s a quote from this book series l love (shout-out to authors Christina Lauren and to Laineygossip for recommending their romance novels).

 I didn’t remember that quote until I was in NY one night with my friends, laughing (I don’t remember about what) and it hit me. I understood what the protagonist meant when she said she wanted to love all of her life as much as she loved the moment she was in. 

 New York was supposed to be a bon voyage of sorts for me. A goodbye to my twenties if you will. A goodbye to selfish asshole living. A goodbye to nights fueled by vodka and Redbull. A goodbye to cheese (for real this time). 

 Anyway, it was my summer of fun. It was great. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it.

 Do I have to say goodbye?

 I mean, I’m okay saying goodbye to cheese. What really made this summer great was feeling like I was an active participant in the world again. It was the feeling that I was actually living, I was working towards something, I was experiencing, learning, discovering. No one should ever say goodbye to the things that make them grateful to be alive.

 Being in love with every aspect of your life is an amazing feeling. I decided to chase that feeling. 

 I chased it to San Diego.  So I'm in California now.

Don't ask me to explain why, this post is already way too long.

Everything about life right now is new, terrifying, and exciting! I'm in a completely new place and I don't have my tribe of amazing family and friends to rely on. I have to be everything for myself right now.

 I am so far away from my comfort zone, I don't even remember where it is, guys.  But that's when things get interesting, right?

Prayers for Paris Hashtags Spark Anger on Social Media.

This weekend has been shocking for a lot of people. As many of you know by now, there was a horrific amount of violence that took place in Paris on November 13th.

I was at a bar with friends when the news about what was happening really started trickling in. People were carrying on like they usually do on a Friday night but at some point I spoke to a guy who asked me, “don’t you know what’s going on in Paris?” I said I did and he just looked at me. I looked at him. I then asked him, “Do you know what’s going on in Nigeria and other parts of the world?” He was quiet. I was quiet. Then I said, “The world we live in is fucked up.”

I’m not happy with the way I handled that. I wasn’t rude or unkind. I was dismissive.

Being on social media, I see that people are responding to the tragedy in Paris in different ways. Reading people's comments reminds me of what Lainey Lui said during her Ted Talk, that people can't consume what is in the media without filtering it through the "prism" of their own experiences. She said, "what inevitably comes out the other side, is a pretty definitive declaration about what we believe, what we expect, what we reject and how we process."

I can’t speak for other people. I can only look at myself and try to explore my reaction to everything.

I think I’m desensitized. You see, this isn’t shocking to me. This has been happening in Northern Nigeria for years now. This has been happening in a lot of places. The attack in Paris is not unique in any way. I can see how it could be shocking to someone who may not identify with many different cultures. I can see how the attack in Paris can feel more personal, how a tragedy in a place or to people you relate to can hurt more than a tragedy that takes place in a part of the world that feels so foreign it might as well be on another planet.

I’m not going to mislead any of you into thinking I am aware of every attack in every city in the world. I had no idea Beirut was bombed the day before the Paris attacks. What does it say about my awareness that I had to google, “hundreds of children killed in Pakistan attack” to know about something that happened almost a year ago?

I still feel the need to say sorry. Just because what happened in Paris happens every week in other cities doesn’t make it any less horrific.

I am praying too. I am praying that God helps me to be kind to others. I pray that I am never dismissive again when someone is hurting. I am praying that I never look at a person and only see the ways he/she is different from me.

New York, You've Been So Good To Me.

As I wrap up my summer of fun in my favorite city, I wanted to take some time to reflect on what being here has done for me. 

 When I was trying to figure out where I wanted to attend esthetician school, I gravitated towards New York City for many reasons. One, it was familiar. Two, some of my favorite people live there. Three, in my opinion, NYC is at its best in the summer, insane heat and all.

 I craved the mind-numbing effect being here has on me. I wanted the distraction. Yep, being here has been one big distraction. Now that I've been here for four months, I feel the effects of long hours in a classroom, not enough sleep, way too much alcohol, barely working out and a diet that was totally not vegan at all.

 Despite the trauma I may have subjected my body to, I feel pretty fantastic.

 With the long hours of classwork comes new friendships and a certificate that says I am a trained esthetician. The lack of sleep was a small sacrifice to make for the countless nights I spent chatting with my friends all night. The alcohol... okay, I probably could have cut back a bit but merriment and wine go so well together. As for the lack of exercise and the questionable diet, eating like there was no tomorrow was fun but I'm more than eager to get back to regular workouts, and the fruits and veggies life. 

 With the plans I have, I know spending months at a time in the states is a luxury that I'm not going to have for much longer. I'm okay with that. I'm ready to roll my sleeves up and get to work. I'm just happy I got this blissful summer. I'm going to cherish everything about it.

One Of The Many Reasons Why My Sister Is Amazing.

Do you have someone in your life that puts things into perspective for you? I bitch a lot about working hard but my freelance-writing ass has nothing on my sister Shola. This woman has three degrees and works three jobs. She's also the founder of an organization called Public Art Nigeria.

Public Art uses different art mediums to teach students about topics like civil rights, healthy habits and sanitation. The students are a mix of kids from different economical backgrounds. Some of them have never taken an art class before while others have been drawing for years. All of them are incredibly passionate about what they're learning.  Shola has picked artists who are just as passionate about teaching. Some of them are Nigerian while other artists visit from different countries.

So Shola recently announced that four of her students were accepted into a Pre-College Summer Academy program at Parsons. This is a big deal for the students, their families and the organization. This is huge! It's the Project Runway school, you guys! It's New York City! It's an opportunity for these students to learn from the best and immerse themselves in a different culture.

Shola has managed to run her organization by herself, often paying for plane tickets and art supplies out of pocket (hence the many jobs). She loves what she does and I love her for it. She has a lot of the expenses covered for the trip but she needs some support.

I can confidently say art has done a lot for me and has shaped me into the person I am today. Because of that, I'm donating $100. I'm not asking anyone to match my donation (but if you do, high-five!) I am asking that you consider donating something. It's so awesome to see people doing good in this crazy world we live in.

I am so excited to see where my sister's students end up and how the experiences and opportunities they are receiving shape them. Please check out  ur4africa.com to read more about the work Shola is doing, her tribe of artists and the organization.

Please click here to donate: https://www.crowdrise.com/weareforafrica

Also, please share this post! Let's send these awesome kids to Parsons!

So... This happened.

Greetings to the handful of you that still read this blog! Your dedication is admirable. Truly though, if you do still check this blog, thank you. I am the worst when it comes to updating the site with new posts. My embedded videos never come out right. My photos aren't going to win any awards. I appreciate the fact that you guys read Nogobelieve anyway. 

So, as you may have noticed in the pic I posted, I'm in scrubs. Why am I in scrubs? I'm back in school. I've been in school since June 1st.

Let me go back a bit, explain what happened.

This year I finished the final draft of the manuscript I have been working on since 2013. I'm incredibly proud of it and I hope people get a chance to read it soon.

There was a huge, hefty sense of relief when I finished the last round of edits. But then I had a reaction I didn't expect.  

With the book being done, I didn't have a project. It was the first time in my life that I wasn't actively working towards something. That made me feel like I didn't have a purpose. That made me feel SHITTY .‎

After a week-long pity party, I mentally bitch-slapped myself, sat down and wrote a list of things I could do based off of my qualifications. I could move back to NYC or VI and work in magazine editorial again. I could work as a ghost-writer. I could go into marketing or PR. 

None of those options were remotely appealing.

It was time to do something different.

 Most people who know me know it's always been my wish to go back to Nigeria and open a business. I always pictured myself owning a shop and dedicating my evenings to my writing.

My mom and I have talked about opening a spa or health-foods store in the past. It was one of those "some day" conversations. But why wait for some day? I decided to just go for it .‎ I'm in school taking the first step towards making our dream a reality. 

When I graduated from university, I told my parents to cherish my BA because it was the only degree they would ever get from me. So no one is more surprised than me that I willingly go to school Monday through Friday, 9am-5pm. I freaking love it! I can't wait to share what I've learned when I'm done.  

Rolling Stone's Readers Name The Best TV Shows of The 90s.

And I totally disagree.

You want to exclude Saved By the Bell? Fine. But how on earth can you have that list and exclude A Different World? I'm so confused.

A Different World followed Denise Huxtable (Lisa Bonet's character fromfrom The Cosby show) as she started her first year at Hillman College, a HBCU. Even though she left after season one, the show flourished as viewers followed the characters as they went through the college experience and went through the growing pains that go along with being a minority in America. It was a funny, poignant, thought-provoking show with story-lines that never got stale. Those story-lines would still be very relevant today.

For that reason alone, the Rolling Stone list is crap. But click here if you want to check it out anyway.

Here are some of my favorite scenes from the show:


Start at 15:20 to watch my favorite scene from the whole series though the whole episode is worth watching.

And check out this clip of some of the cast members talking about the influence the show had on America and Bill Cosby (side-eye):

JMO: Jon Stewart Is Leaving The Daily Show And We Should All Be Sad About It.

Where were you when you found out Jon Stewart was leaving The Daily Show?

I was and still am in Florida. I'm in shock and I'm super-bummed about it. I found out when I was on Gawker.com. I tend to go on their site more when I feel like I've binged on way too much entertainment news and I need a palette cleanser. Then, as I read articles about topics that run a little deeper than who A is, I'm reminded of how much I love that site.

Anyway, they broke the news to me (click here for the article).

I'm bummed. Are you guys bummed? Do you watch The Daily Show? You should. It's good.

I'm not going to front, I never watched the Daily Show regularly once I stopped paying for cable. Still, I'm still really sad to see Jon Stewart go. In a world where people are quick to accept what is reported as fact, Stewart always had a way of making his viewers look at things from a different perspective. He not only encouraged it, he expected it. I feel like as a talk-show host, he held his viewers to a certain standard and expected them to, at the very least, think.

So we should all be sad that he's leaving in my opinion.

The privilege has been ours, Mr. Jon Stewart.

90s Nostalgia: Felicity and Ben

That time Felicity called Ben out on being a little bitch-baby about his feelings and not committing even though we all know he was into her.

Sigh.  It's never easy with the guy we want.

Confession: I was totally Team Noel back in the day.

Jealousy is a Waste of Your Time.

I was talking to a friend about Instagram and some of the people we both follow and she told me that she unfollowed a lot of people recently. When I asked why, she said seeing those women post pics of their seemingly perfect lives was making her feel insecure and jealous and she didn't want that kind of energy around her so she just stopped.

I totally get. It's so easy to forget that what people post on social media is an edit of their lives; all of the fat days, zit days, no-sleep-last-night days etc. are left on the virtual cutting room floor.

But for me, I love following people that I admire. It inspires and motivates me. This wasn't always the case.

I remember being a teen telling my mom that I was jealous of a girl. I'm not sure why but  I think it was something about her skin (I've dealt with cystic acne since I was about 10). My mom told me back then, "instead of wasting your time being jealous, why don't you just ask and find out how she did it?" It never occurred to me that I too could get what another girl had just by asking how and then working for it.

I didn't actually take my wise mom's advice until a few years later when I was in college. I was walking on a treadmill, pre-occupied with the lady in front of me because of her perfect ass. It was a phenomenal, perfectly shaped, non-jiggly ass. I remember being so annoyed, thinking "why does she get to have a perfect butt and I'm stuck with this cellulite-ridden backside? That bitch. Life is so unfair, woe is me, wahhhhhhhh."

I was actually heated but my pity party was cut short when I remembered what my mom said. What was the point of being jealous? It didn't help me at all. It wouldn't make my ass look like hers. Just like that, I made a decision to stop wasting my time being jealous of other people. If I wanted something, all I had to do was work hard for it.

I jumped off of the treadmill and approached the lady with the perfect ass. I told her I loved her butt (because flattery never hurt one's cause and it was the truth) and asked what she did to keep it looking amazing.

Lunges.

My point is, let those who have what you want motivate you. Make them your allies in reaching that goal, not your enemies. At the end of the day success in anything is about hard work and no one can do that work for you.

Besides, nobody likes a hater.

Life Lessons.

"“There’s a wonderful old Italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint, begging, “Dear saint-please, please, please…give me the grace to win the lottery.” This lament goes on for months. Finally the exasperated statue comes to life, looks down at the begging man and says in weary disgust, “My son-please, please, please…buy a ticket.”" 


—  "Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can’t even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I’m aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don’t have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift.” - Liz Gilbert 

 Here’s to buying a ticket.

Reposted from one of my favorite blogs: sydbelle.tumblr.com.

Shits and Giggles Mondays

Happy Monday y'all! Don't forget that "only the winner gets to copulate."

It's a tidbit of info that can really be applied to our lives, kind of like "work hard, play hard."

Real Sex Tips.

"I am not asking for it unless I actually ask for it."

I wish I could hug this poem.

Mindy Kaling and That Question About Her Racial Preference

Let me set the scene: It's the Vanity Fair Oscar Party and E! correspondent Alicia Quarles (African-American) is interviewing celebs on the red carpet. Mindy Kaling (American-Indian) stops on her way inside to give an interview and part of their conversation goes a little like this:

 Quarles:'So who's your type?
 Kaling: 'Who's my type? Good looking,'
 Quarles: 'Okay, so any color?'
 Kaling: 'Yeah'
 Quarles: 'Girl, kiss some Black men on that show.'
 Kaling: 'Oh, I have and I will. It’s something people can look forward to.'

Hmmm.  This racist-ish interview... will be addressed another time.

Have you ever been asked what your racial preference is when it comes to dating?

 I have. A lot.

 It seems like an innocent enough question but it's weird that it even matters.

What I have discovered is that a lot of my friends think I "belong" with someone outside of my race. I've been told that I should date white men because black men can't "handle" me. I've been told I'm the kind of black girl that should be dating a white guy.

 What kind of Black girl can handle a Black guy? What does that even mean?

It irritates me that because of my personality, people feel I'm somehow not right for a black male.  But at the end of the day, I have to remind myself I don't care.

Because guess what? I am an equal-opportunity employer. My preference is HOT. I also like them funny, considerate and good to their families. I like a guy that is just as comfortable at a Kanye concert as he is at a Foo Fighters concert. I like a guy who has morals. I like guys who work hard. And I like them hot. Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, John Cho, Diego Luna, God-Bless-Your-Parents-Your-Ass-Is-Fine-Hot.

But it's not a deal-breaker if you're awesome.

At the end of the day if you're with someone you love and who treats you right, does it really matter how much melanin he/she has?

Sorry for not Being Sorry.

This is everything.