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Thursday, October 24, 2013
An Argument For Being A Selfish Asshole
So I read this post (click here) by Jillian Harris. She makes some great points on why being single doesn't suck. I'm here to vouch for point No.5 For the first time in my life, I went on vacation. I've travelled a lot with my family and by myself. When I lived in the states, I flew to Nigeria a lot to visit my folks. Now that I live in Nigeria, I've travelled to the states twice. Those trips don't count. There was a trip to LA a few years ago to visit one of my best friends (click here). While I had a blast, that trip doesn't really count either since I was too broke to do much. This is the first time I've had enough money to save. It's the first time I saved with the sole intention of spending it on myself. It was awesome. In my opinion, women often feel the need to prepare for life as a wife and mother once they reach their 20s. I can't tell you how many variations of this statement I've heard over the years "you should learn how to make ogbono soup so when you get married your husband will be pleased" and "you need to change *** because men like women that ***". We're expected to get serious, start looking, start planning, stop playing, start dressing a certain way, attract the nice guy, the right guy, the rich guy. I'm here to challenge ladies not to do any of that stuff. If you're in your late twenties and unattached like me, I beg you to think about what that means. You. Are. Free. You may not be a baller but you have a job, right? Sure, there are bills to pay and family stuff to help out with but besides that, your money is yours. Go on a trip! Go and get something for yourself! Treat yo self! I went on vacation and I let myself spend money on things I wanted: the gondola ride at the Venetian in Vegas and the nice hotel room in Dubai. I bought the shoes I've been obsessing about for months... and a few more pairs just because I liked them. I did all this without feeling guilty. I work hard for what I make and I don't see men my age conflicted over how they spend their money because of the families they don't have yet. It dawned on me a while ago that while I may not be able to do selfish things like this forever, I can now and I deserve to so I should. I want to have kids one day and eventually, I'll need to save for a house and start planning for a family of my own. But that time has not come. So instead of moping about "being alone", be alone, happily. I plan to. In Antigua. And London. And Canada too if I can wing it.
I'm a Nigerian-American writer who has worked at Harper’s Bazaar, SELF, Popular Science, Essence, Complete Fashion and HELLO! magazine. A self-confessed pop culture addict who left the hustle of New York City behind for the hustle of Lagos. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your comments and questions about this blog specifically.