Friends and family often ask how I'm holding up and I try to change the subject as diplomatically as possible.
I actively try not to think about his death because when I think about it, I burst into tears. It's not about being strong for everyone else; I emotionally cannot deal with this new reality so I don't. This is how I function.
So yeah, I guess I'm having a hard time.
Maybe I need more time and distance, something to help me find the reason or lesson in this. Maybe I will never be able to work through everything. I keep on being reminded that sometimes life is hard and unfair and often so sad that it can leave you shaken to the core. But I honestly don't think I need any more reminders.
To be honest, spiritually I've been in a very dark place. How do you move forward when everything you believed about the way the world works has been challenged?