Prayers for Paris Hashtags Spark Anger on Social Media.

This weekend has been shocking for a lot of people. As many of you know by now, there was a horrific amount of violence that took place in Paris on November 13th.

I was at a bar with friends when the news about what was happening really started trickling in. People were carrying on like they usually do on a Friday night but at some point I spoke to a guy who asked me, “don’t you know what’s going on in Paris?” I said I did and he just looked at me. I looked at him. I then asked him, “Do you know what’s going on in Nigeria and other parts of the world?” He was quiet. I was quiet. Then I said, “The world we live in is fucked up.”

I’m not happy with the way I handled that. I wasn’t rude or unkind. I was dismissive.

Being on social media, I see that people are responding to the tragedy in Paris in different ways. Reading people's comments reminds me of what Lainey Lui said during her Ted Talk, that people can't consume what is in the media without filtering it through the "prism" of their own experiences. She said, "what inevitably comes out the other side, is a pretty definitive declaration about what we believe, what we expect, what we reject and how we process."

I can’t speak for other people. I can only look at myself and try to explore my reaction to everything.

I think I’m desensitized. You see, this isn’t shocking to me. This has been happening in Northern Nigeria for years now. This has been happening in a lot of places. The attack in Paris is not unique in any way. I can see how it could be shocking to someone who may not identify with many different cultures. I can see how the attack in Paris can feel more personal, how a tragedy in a place or to people you relate to can hurt more than a tragedy that takes place in a part of the world that feels so foreign it might as well be on another planet.

I’m not going to mislead any of you into thinking I am aware of every attack in every city in the world. I had no idea Beirut was bombed the day before the Paris attacks. What does it say about my awareness that I had to google, “hundreds of children killed in Pakistan attack” to know about something that happened almost a year ago?

I still feel the need to say sorry. Just because what happened in Paris happens every week in other cities doesn’t make it any less horrific.

I am praying too. I am praying that God helps me to be kind to others. I pray that I am never dismissive again when someone is hurting. I am praying that I never look at a person and only see the ways he/she is different from me.

Life in Pics: Ipetu House

Progress.

Ipetu Ile April 2013.

Kim Kardashian Graces Lagos With Her Presence

I only uploaded this photo because I like that shirt. What? I'm not going to hate on Givenchy because she's wearing it!

First of all, read this because it's so on point.

So this post was written weeks ago and I'm just getting around to uploading it. It's not really relevant anymore but when has that ever stopped me from ranting?

Oh yes. There is a rant involved in this post.

Shall we begin?

Like many, I was surprised to learn Kim K was in Lagos. I stupidly thought she was there to sit on a panel for Social Media Week since it started the Monday after she was in Lagos.

See, social media played such an integral part in the success of the Kardashian brand, it would actually be interesting to hear what the reality star had to say about Twitter, Celebuzz and Instagram's contribution to her fame.

Alas, I gave my country and the Kardashian too much credit. Kim Kardashian wasn't there to talk to Nigeria's youth at a free event (silly Juwon), she was there to co-host a party for the premiere of some movie. A party attended by Nigeria's 1% because who else would spend N100,000 for a ticket?

Kim Kardashian was paid $500,000 to come to Lagos. The pregnant starlet was in Lagos for less than 24 hours. She stayed at the party long enough to say "Hey Naija" and then she left.

Now my fellow Nigerians are pissed. How dare she?!?

*This is where my rant begins.

 Don't be upset with Kim Kardashian people. She's a business woman and because you all seem to love her to the point of stupidity (Why though? I really want to know), she can demand $500,000 for an appearance.

And unless it was worked into her contract that she should stay at the party the whole time, she wasn't obligated to be there for long. Also, maybe the organizers should have brought her here to do something other than host a party. I'm guessing that would have cost more? Maybe she should have been asked to do something that would boost the tourism in Nigeria or at the very least been suitable for a photo op?

 If it was me, I would have negotiated a deal where she was photographed by the AP at one of Nigerian designer's studio or at Temple Muse (closed for her and her people so they wouldn't have to talk to the commoners). The caption would have read " Kim Kardashian explores the shopping scene in Lagos".

 Publicity, something we could have used. Something that could have appeared on People.com or any international website or paper that would showcase Lagos's appeal as a tourist destination. While I'm just assuming, I highly doubt that crossed the organizers minds. Because, in my opinion, the people with the money don't think that way.

Be upset with the people in this country with billion dollar homes and village mentalities. These are the people who will do anything and spend anything to prove they have arrived. They are basic. They are rich but they are still low-classy. These are the people who have four brand new cars in their home and pay their househelp N7000 a month. These are the people who are trying to keep up with countries like the US and the UK but they refuse to do the work to get to that level.

Hey Nigeria, you skipped a few steps on your way to baller status. More than 5% of your citizens have to have enough food to eat to be considered a developed country. How about we fix that before we start paying people who are famous for nothing you can talk to your mother about to visit our country?

Let me ask this: did Nigerians expect an American reality star to be super-psyched at the idea of hosting a party in Lagos? Lagos is a metropolitan city with lots of promise. But she landed in our shitty airport, drove on our shitty roads and probably saw a few things that would shock any sheltered American. Maybe Kim K is wondering how she is getting paid $500,000 when the country is obviously impoverished.

Maybe I'm giving her too much credit.

At the end of the day, I really don't see why anyone should be upset. Kim K got half a million dollars for showing up and everyone who attended can brag about partying with a KARDASHIAN.

Keep on dreaming big Nigeria.

Winter Is NEVER Coming.

Not here.

Not in Nigeria.

I can't say I miss walking to the subway station in the snow. I hate feeling cold. I hate wearing jeans and puffy jackets, hats and gloves.

But. It's. So. Hot.

It's insane. If I could walk around in shorts and a tank without incurring the wrath of neighbors who already think I'm a ho, I totally would.

Anyway, this post was really just an excuse to show off my turban and maxi dress!

Look at my dress! I'm wearing a painting.

It's November in the west but here in Nigeria, summer lasts all year long.

Rich Girls Are Annoying.

I graduated from Rollins College. It's a small, fancy, liberal arts school in quaint Winter Park, FL. Going to Rollins was a blessing and I thank God every day for my scholarship donor and the Hamilton Holt School. At $50,000 a year for tuition, there is no way in hell I could afford to go to school there without financial assistance. The Holt school (evening classes) was significantly cheaper and I still needed scholarships to afford going there.

Anywho, one of my professors required the class to act as ushers during a book reading (it was a class of 8) my last year. It was a fancy event so I wore a fancy dress and a cardigan and I made sure my hair was pretty and I wore a little makeup so it looked like I tried. I saw one of my classmates (a day student) and she said hi and I said hi and she complimented me on my dress and I said thanks and told her I bought it at Forever 21.

Later that night when a group of us were together, this same girl points out that a string is loose on the dress. No biggie (I certainly wouldn't have mentioned it), I pulled the string and ripped it off and she said

"That's what you get for shopping at Forever 21".

My first thought: whatabitch!

Second thought: ugh, she's right.

Fast forward to Lagos Fashion and Design Week (I worked the event). Africa may be portrayed as this continent of suffering and poverty but that doesn't apply to everyone. Nigeria's wealthy are WEALTHY.

I was chatting with this girl (who is actually a sweetheart) and she was telling me about her store where she sells designer labels and I expressed interest in buying a handbag that wouldn't fall apart in a month. She asked how much I was willing to spend and I said $400 when I really meant $150. Maybe.

 But y'know, I wanted to look cool in front of the rich girl so I stretched the truth until it looked like a lie.

She laughed. And then told me she didn't have anything that cheap at her store.

$400 is cheap?

Ugh. I need to hang out with poorer people.

Anyway kids, these moments really do build character.

Nigeria's Voodoo Culture

"Curses only have power when you believe in them”

One of the things that has been floating around since my dad died are rumors that someone killed him with Nigerian voodoo. So I’ve had relatives tell me to watch what I eat and be careful what I tell people about my wherabouts and just general weirdness. The really sad thing is, I’m so used to stuff like this, it’s not weird to me.

Side note: I’ve been watching Practical Magic a lot lately. It's one of my favorites (Nicole Kidman's face!!!!!) I love this movie so much and since I’ve seen it so many times, I don’t really have to focus that much on it to enjoy it.  

One of my favorite quotes is  "Curses only have power when you believe in them”. 

Don't ask me why. I don't know why.

 

So I wonder, does o juju (voodoo) only have power when someone believes in it?

What do you guys think?

Rest in Peace Daddy.

"God created you perfectly."

The last thing my dad said to me before he passed.

I don't think my dad understood me very much. I'm the 4th daughter and I’ve always been kind of spacey. He was a businessman; I’m artsy. He was a realist; I’m an optimist.  We looked exactly the same (down to the gap in our teeth) but we couldn’t be more different. The great thing about him was he never made me feel inadequate. He was always supportive of my dreams no matter which direction I took them in. My dad was awesome. I couldn’t possibly make anyone understand how awesome in a blog post.

I love him, I miss him and I think about him every day.

*I don't have any recent photos of him and me together because I wanted to wait until he gained some weight.

I’m an idiot.

Not Mandatory But Freaking Good: Ara by Brymo

So I'm totally that person who will listen to a new song, gush about that song and find out that "new song" was released two years ago.

Since I'm trying to transition into entertainment writing, I'm working on becoming the person who already listens to the music other people will be obsessing over in a year.

For now, I'm still that person gushing over that not so new song but for the sake of my non-Nigerian friends, I have to.

"Ara" by singer Brymo is currently my jam. I am LOVING this song and so is the rest of Lagos if the amount of times it's played on the radio, at parties, and on people's phones is any indication.

I actually discovered the original because of the remix (which is just as catchy in my opinion). Saeon was scheduled to perform during AMFW and I wanted to read up on her just in case I managed to snag an interview. I heard her version of "Ara" (which means Wonders) and fell in love.

"Ara" is Brymo's (real name Ashimi Olawale) first single under the label, Chocolate City and was released this past September.

Because I am a pathetic excuse for a Nigerian that doesn't know Yoruba, I have no idea what most of the lyrics actually mean. But no matter, it's still gooooood

Click here for the lyrics.

And here for Brymo's Wikipedia page.

William Levy Gets Around

Though I'm in a different country, I'm discovering William Levy around the same time as a lot of non-spanish speaking Americans in the United States. They can thank Dancing with The Stars for the discovery but I have to thank Galaxy TV and their telenovela habit. Right now I'm watching Levy's hot ass in two of them; Triunfo Del Amor and Sortilegio.

Oh my god, he's so pretty. Too pretty. Probably a douche. But...I just want to touch his face.

And I want him to carry me like I weigh nothing because he looks like he can.

Hot.

What does he sound like on Dancing with the Stars? I'll die if he sounds like David Beckham.

As far as his acting goes, I can't really comment. Both shows are dubbed over in English and that takes away so much. Not to mention the fact that soap operas are,well, soap operas. But from what I can tell, he's not bad at all.

I'm curious to see what Dancing does for Levy's career. Obviously actors don't need Hollywood's stamp of approval to justify their work but that's obviously what the Cuban actor wants. With the appearance in J.Lo's music video, the Dancing gig and the People cover, Levy is trying to transition. Will he succeed?

I have no idea but I think it's amazing that because of his presence on Nigerian television, people here are more likely to lose their shit over seeing him than they are over Jon Hamm.

In Jesus Name, DIE!!!

With my dad sick, a lot of family members and neighbors have been praying for him and having their pastors call to pray for him as well which is sweet and appreciated.

Some people have even sent their pastors to our house which, you know, is still appreciated but weird. Or am I weird for thinking that? Maybe it's the American in me.

In the last week, we've had over six pastors in our house.

Today's pastors came from The Mountain of Fire church.  The two men went to the living room where my dad was resting and they gave the rest of us (me, Mom, an uncle and an aunt) an outline of what was going to go down (prayer of thanks, some praise songs and then down to the nitty-gritty).

So we're praying and then singing and then the pastor asks us to pray that God has mercy on my dad which made me giggle because the way one guy was saying "have mercy" over and over, my mom was saying "in jesus name" over and over and another guy was just saying "mercy" over and over reminded me a lot of that episode of Potter Puppet Pals.

Anyway, we got to the point where the pastor said something along the lines of "now we will pray that those who have orchestrated Daddy's sickness for their benefit die."

Before I had time to process that,  it started: "In Jesus Name, DIEEEEE!" Over and over again. With someone just screaming "DIE".

I felt like I was listening to death metal.

It seemed to last forever and just when I thought it would never end, we moved on to the next prayer point. Which ended up being a variation of the last one. In fact, almost every prayer point after that involved death to anyone who wished my dad harm.

Oh my dear lord. Guys, I couldn't stop laughing.  I. Could. Not. Stop.

I certainly pray people who don't have my family's best interest in mind stay away but I can't really justify praying for someone to bite the bullet. But two pastors can. And that is what is so twisted about religion, the way people can justify something truly awful by bringing God into it.

Movies To Stop Airing On Africa Magic Channels

So I read this article today. Africa Magic and other African channels have been given till May to stop airing movies.

Hmm. This sounds temporary. I hope it is. Because In the three months that I've been here I have seen Africa Magic airing everywhere from the doctor's office to fast food restaurants. If that channel isn't allowed to air Nollywood movies anymore, does the Film, Video Producers and Marketers Association of Nigeria (FVPMAN) really think people will flock to theaters and buy the movies on DVD?

We live in a world where even Hollywood movies are being released on demand before or as they hit theaters (Last Night is a great example). And watching a movie in the states is not nearly as difficult as watching a movie in Nigeria, where the theater is .more than two hours away (unless you live on the island), the traffic to get there is a nightmare and the ticket is overpriced compared to the standard of living of most citizens. Not to mention the fact that a lot of people don't use DVD players here as much (cable is cheaper than constantly buying new films and TV series).

I'm just saying this may not be the smartest move for the Nollywood film industry.

I Guess I'll Never Be a Nurse

My dad had surgery, It was wildly successful,went far better than any of us hoped it would. Now he's recovering at home.

 No one ever talks about how once the initial health crisis is over, the recovery becomes the real challenge. In fact, it's a real bitch.

Post-delivery, my father is the grumpiest, most miserable person I've ever had to deal with. And I'd love to be able to be able mention with fake modesty how I've managed to persevere  and have been the model-caretaker through this getting better process.

But the truth is half the time I want to slap him and I have snapped a couple of times in response to his rudeness, inconsideration and general Debbie Downer ways. Some days, I wish I was back in New York and blissfully unaware of what's going on.

I'm an awful daughter.

Getting Peed On By Dad and Other Misadventures of March

So Arise Magazine Fashion Week happened but I had to leave early. That was pretty much the beginning of the worst month ever.

See my dad's been sick and while I was on the island with the models, designers and fashion bitches, his health got worse.

March marked a lot of firsts. I stayed overnight in a Nigerian hospital for the first time, my father cried in front of me for the first time, and he peed on me (accidentally). It's been quite the bonding experience.

Dealing with my father during his sickness has been like dealing with a child. Except this child remembers he's the adult that brought me into this world at the most inconvenient times. When that happens, I'm the recipient of a verbal beating that would land most people in therapy.

When it comes to life I try to not take things too seriously (hence the haha tone in this post) but I'm not going to lie, it's been tough.  I'm thankful to God for my family right now. When shit hits the fan, we always manage to laugh while we're cleaning up the mess.

Not Mandatory But Freaking Good: The American Dream: An African Tale

Hey guys! I've been meaning to blog about this for months but my internet situation made it difficult. Since I'm in a hotel with awesome wifi, I'm taking advantage and uploading as many posts and vids as possible!


A few months ago, my sister Shola (the one who's a filmmaker) started interviewing Africans living in the United States about their experiences for a web series. The result is a honest and sometimes funny look into living in America as a foreigner, or in my case, a first generation American.


I recommend everyone check it out not only because Shola is my sister and I love her to pieces but because it's good to learn about other cultures; there's a whole world out there!


Episode one is below and the other episodes can be found here and you can listen to more from each interview, here.


Let me know what you guys think!
Episode 1: Olajuwon Ajayi from The UR4Africa Project on Vimeo.
The American Dream: An African Tale is a web series about the African experience in America.

Africans!
Share your stories with us!

Email us at:
ur4africa@gmail.com
or
info@theur4africaproject.org

Episode 2: http://vimeo.com/34386653

I'm Not Allowed To Carry My Own Bag In Nigeria

You know what irks me? I get here and I'm washing plates or sweeping and people are always shocked. Like growing up in America has rendered me incapable of wiping my own ass. It's even worse when I go to my father's village; if I'm carrying a suitcase into the house (the same suitcase I carried into the car) I get intersected at least three times by people who insist on carrying my stuff for me. I know they're coming from a good place but it's the most irritating thing EVER.

I'm not some lazy shit that doesn't like to move. Let me carry my own bag.

Getting Old Sucks

Allmoviephoto.com

 

In a time of absolute desperation, I did something I never thought I’d be able to again: I watched “The Notebook”. It was on my sister’s old laptop that my parents now own. I don’t really know how it happened; it was late, I was desperate. I was in the middle of f-cking nowhere (the village) and I didn’t have any books or films with me, okay?

Now please don’t take this as a diss to the film. There is nothing wrong with the film. I absolutely love Rachel McAdams and think Ryan Gosling is lovely in everything, I just didn’t love “The Notebook” the way others did. Do you remember all those gifs that were made during the height of its popularity? It was the most annoying shit ever.

BUT

I found myself tearing up during the movie when the older Noah talks about all of his health issues, calling it “a general wearing down of the body”. Spending time with my parents has brought that line home for me. They’re getting old. They get tired so easily now, they forget things. These are two very active people who enjoy constantly being on the go who have now been halted by the aging process. That’s what’s so heartbreaking about it. Their bodies are betraying them and it’s so unfair. Getting old is unfair.

Real Men Drink Guinness

I love this ad so much, I take pictures of the billboards whenever I’m out.

Guinness is a staple in Nigeria. Every time I see this ad I think of my father and uncles (all manly men) sitting at the table, enjoying their stouts.

Imagine a bunch of manly men at a table. Now say “come drink at the table of men” but say it in a deep voice. Think Gerard Butler as Leonidus in 300.

See?

Revisiting The Wedding Planner

Guess what was on Universal Channel on Valentine’s Day and again a few days later? “The Wedding Planner”! Did you know Jennifer Lopez was the first woman to have the number 1 movie and the number 1 album in America at the same time? If you ask me, the album wasn’t bad (if you like that sort of thing). The movie, on the other hand, was shit. Plain and simple. I re-watched it for the first time in years and I couldn’t believe how bad it was. I couldn’t believe Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey starred in it.

Was it always this bad or has my taste gotten better with age?

Something you should know about me: I’m not the biggest romantic comedy fan. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll watch it on TBS on a Saturday when I’m deep-conditioning my hair. But I will never pay to see a romantic comedy in a theater because I can’t justify sitting an hour and a half through a movie I haven’t seen before when I know how it’s going to end. Am I alone in this?

I get that I’m a minority when it comes to rom-coms. People are happy watching the same story over and over. For instance, Yemi loves romantic comedies; the more formulaic they are, the better. She has also seen every movie that has been adapted from a Nicholas Sparks book.
 
What does a romantic comedy need to not make you want to gag? For me it has to be funny as hell and not in a Katherine Heigl movie kind of way.

What about you guys?

Posing On The Red Carpet Like Lea Michele

Bellanaija.com

 

A lot of people tease the Lea Micheles and the J.Los of the world. The women who pose for a photo like they’re being shot for a Vogue cover. Until the photo comes out and they always look good while your ass looks ten types of fug in every photo you take (by you I mean me).

Arise Magazine Fashion Week is coming up in March. Last year I was photographed. I look constipated in the photo.

Should I start practicing my poses?

Airing Reality Television Overseas: Are We Giving Other Countries The Wrong Idea About Americans?

I can’t get “Modern Family” here but they air “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, “Basketball Wives” and shows like them. And that’s fine. Back in the states, I watched and enjoyed “The Jersey Shore” more than anyone should so I get it. But people need substance to survive. They need more than crack. That’s what these shows are; crack cocaine.

I recently read an interview actor Brian J. White gave. In that interview he talked about black women being stereotyped because of shows like “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” and “Love and Basketball”.

I used to get so annoyed by the argument that television was bad for the youth. The idea that watching a couple getting hot and heavy on “Melrose Place” or watching someone get shot on “NYPD Blue” (I’m totally aging myself) would directly affect young viewers was laughable to me. I argued that people gave television too much credit.

And that’s essentially the same argument as the stereotypical black females on reality TV one, right? People are upset because they think viewers watching those shows will think all black women are loud, money-hungry famewhores and young viewers will want to emulate them. But who’s stupid enough to think a whole race of women are no different than a couple of chicks on TV?

Now I’m not so sure.

I live in a country where a lot of people have never interacted with a foreigner before. And I know for a fact that a lot of Nigerians get their information about Americans from movies and television. Can you imagine the warped ideas people have about the United States if all of their information comes from rap music videos?

Fuck standards. We're rich!

So now, when I watch an episode of  “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” here in Lagos, I’m kind of filled with horror. Do Nigerians think all Americans are like that?