Prayers for Paris Hashtags Spark Anger on Social Media.

This weekend has been shocking for a lot of people. As many of you know by now, there was a horrific amount of violence that took place in Paris on November 13th.

I was at a bar with friends when the news about what was happening really started trickling in. People were carrying on like they usually do on a Friday night but at some point I spoke to a guy who asked me, “don’t you know what’s going on in Paris?” I said I did and he just looked at me. I looked at him. I then asked him, “Do you know what’s going on in Nigeria and other parts of the world?” He was quiet. I was quiet. Then I said, “The world we live in is fucked up.”

I’m not happy with the way I handled that. I wasn’t rude or unkind. I was dismissive.

Being on social media, I see that people are responding to the tragedy in Paris in different ways. Reading people's comments reminds me of what Lainey Lui said during her Ted Talk, that people can't consume what is in the media without filtering it through the "prism" of their own experiences. She said, "what inevitably comes out the other side, is a pretty definitive declaration about what we believe, what we expect, what we reject and how we process."

I can’t speak for other people. I can only look at myself and try to explore my reaction to everything.

I think I’m desensitized. You see, this isn’t shocking to me. This has been happening in Northern Nigeria for years now. This has been happening in a lot of places. The attack in Paris is not unique in any way. I can see how it could be shocking to someone who may not identify with many different cultures. I can see how the attack in Paris can feel more personal, how a tragedy in a place or to people you relate to can hurt more than a tragedy that takes place in a part of the world that feels so foreign it might as well be on another planet.

I’m not going to mislead any of you into thinking I am aware of every attack in every city in the world. I had no idea Beirut was bombed the day before the Paris attacks. What does it say about my awareness that I had to google, “hundreds of children killed in Pakistan attack” to know about something that happened almost a year ago?

I still feel the need to say sorry. Just because what happened in Paris happens every week in other cities doesn’t make it any less horrific.

I am praying too. I am praying that God helps me to be kind to others. I pray that I am never dismissive again when someone is hurting. I am praying that I never look at a person and only see the ways he/she is different from me.

Jealousy is a Waste of Your Time.

I was talking to a friend about Instagram and some of the people we both follow and she told me that she unfollowed a lot of people recently. When I asked why, she said seeing those women post pics of their seemingly perfect lives was making her feel insecure and jealous and she didn't want that kind of energy around her so she just stopped.

I totally get. It's so easy to forget that what people post on social media is an edit of their lives; all of the fat days, zit days, no-sleep-last-night days etc. are left on the virtual cutting room floor.

But for me, I love following people that I admire. It inspires and motivates me. This wasn't always the case.

I remember being a teen telling my mom that I was jealous of a girl. I'm not sure why but  I think it was something about her skin (I've dealt with cystic acne since I was about 10). My mom told me back then, "instead of wasting your time being jealous, why don't you just ask and find out how she did it?" It never occurred to me that I too could get what another girl had just by asking how and then working for it.

I didn't actually take my wise mom's advice until a few years later when I was in college. I was walking on a treadmill, pre-occupied with the lady in front of me because of her perfect ass. It was a phenomenal, perfectly shaped, non-jiggly ass. I remember being so annoyed, thinking "why does she get to have a perfect butt and I'm stuck with this cellulite-ridden backside? That bitch. Life is so unfair, woe is me, wahhhhhhhh."

I was actually heated but my pity party was cut short when I remembered what my mom said. What was the point of being jealous? It didn't help me at all. It wouldn't make my ass look like hers. Just like that, I made a decision to stop wasting my time being jealous of other people. If I wanted something, all I had to do was work hard for it.

I jumped off of the treadmill and approached the lady with the perfect ass. I told her I loved her butt (because flattery never hurt one's cause and it was the truth) and asked what she did to keep it looking amazing.

Lunges.

My point is, let those who have what you want motivate you. Make them your allies in reaching that goal, not your enemies. At the end of the day success in anything is about hard work and no one can do that work for you.

Besides, nobody likes a hater.

Reformed People Pleaser.

I'm a huge believer in self-reflection as a preliminary step towards self-improvement. I'd be lying if I said I have it all figured out now that I'm older. I constantly find myself having to relearn the lessons I was taught before.  I noticed most of the things that bother me about me have a common thread. Let's see if you recognize it:

• Saying "sorry" all the time. 
• Caring too much when someone doesn't like me.
• Bending over backwards to accommodate people.
• Putting other people's priorities before my own.

Raise your hand if you're a people pleaser?

Yeah, being a people pleaser sucks. I don't want to do it anymore.

People pleasing is like being addicted to drugs. I love the feeling I get from helping people. The problem there is, the dealers of the euphoria people pleasing gives, know you love that shit. Next thing you know, you've given everything you have just for the fleeting feeling of knowing you "did the right thing", "were a huge help", "are the best", "are the nicest".

Fuck that noise.

Shits and Giggles Mondays.

Me. All the damn time.