The Movie “Bachelorette” Is Not Funny, Just Mean.

So The Sundance Film Festival happened this past week. I read Entertainment Weekly and Laineygossip.com to get an idea of which films people are buzzing about. I’ve been looking forward to “Bachelorette” for a while now so I was kind of surprised to read that people aren’t feeling it at all. Is it not funny? How could it not be funny? This is a film that stars Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher and Lizzie Caplan, all solid, funny actresses in my opinion.

It turns out people are saying the film is less funny and more mean.

What does that even mean?

I don’t know but according to Lainey (in my head we're on a first name basis), it was so mean-spirited it made L.A. people uncomfortable.

I guess that's saying something?

Joseph Gordon Levitt's Hotness and Revisiting Inception

I re-watched “Inception” recently. I’ll get to that later. Right now, I want to gush about how I was hit in the face with how hot Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in that movie. And in life. Have you seen this video? 

As a hardcore Leonardo DiCaprio fangirl, I am shocked all over again at how little he does for me in that movie. The first time I watched “Inception”, he didn’t even register.

Anyway, I loved the film as much as I did the first time. Goosebumps love, the kind of love you have when you’re thankful you got to watch something truly spectacular. I can’t understand why “Inception” wasn’t more popular and the only conclusion I was able to come up with is that people are so used to shit, they’re taste buds are all fucked up. It’s like they’re desensitized to good movies.

Either way, I can’t wait for Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight Rises”.

A Pitcher of Sangria Please

I miss drinking. I miss meeting up with friends, ordering some cocktails and enjoying a night out. I miss unwinding with my roommate, digging into some chips and guacamole and sipping some sangria  (all homemade cuz that’s how we roll). 

I miss Monday nights with a bottle of Merlot, watching "The Bachelor" and tweeting about it. I miss ending the night (or starting the day depending on how you look at it) at Horus with shots of Tequila.

I miss my social life.

Is Halle Berry The New Jessica Simpson?

Halle Berry is launching a shoe line.

Meh.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Halle is gorgeous and she has one of those bodies that make everything look good.

 But like her acting, her style doesn’t really leave me inspired. It’s nice enough, but it’s not amazing. She doesn’t make me want to buy anything she co-signed on because I never look at an outfit she’s wearing and think “what great style”.

Then again, neither did Jessica Simpson and look at her.

Airing Reality Television Overseas: Are We Giving Other Countries The Wrong Idea About Americans?

I can’t get “Modern Family” here but they air “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, “Basketball Wives” and shows like them. And that’s fine. Back in the states, I watched and enjoyed “The Jersey Shore” more than anyone should so I get it. But people need substance to survive. They need more than crack. That’s what these shows are; crack cocaine.

I recently read an interview actor Brian J. White gave. In that interview he talked about black women being stereotyped because of shows like “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” and “Love and Basketball”.

I used to get so annoyed by the argument that television was bad for the youth. The idea that watching a couple getting hot and heavy on “Melrose Place” or watching someone get shot on “NYPD Blue” (I’m totally aging myself) would directly affect young viewers was laughable to me. I argued that people gave television too much credit.

And that’s essentially the same argument as the stereotypical black females on reality TV one, right? People are upset because they think viewers watching those shows will think all black women are loud, money-hungry famewhores and young viewers will want to emulate them. But who’s stupid enough to think a whole race of women are no different than a couple of chicks on TV?

Now I’m not so sure.

I live in a country where a lot of people have never interacted with a foreigner before. And I know for a fact that a lot of Nigerians get their information about Americans from movies and television. Can you imagine the warped ideas people have about the United States if all of their information comes from rap music videos?

Fuck standards. We're rich!

So now, when I watch an episode of  “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” here in Lagos, I’m kind of filled with horror. Do Nigerians think all Americans are like that?

To Read Or Not To Read: Recaps

I’m still undecided about reading recaps of my shows while I’m away. I usually don’t since I hate spoilers and would rather just wait till I can watch my shows. This means when I’m in Nigeria, I avoid Gawker, Entertainment Weekly and Duana’s posts on Laineygossip.com like they’re men with Herpes. But six months is an awfully long time not knowing.

Team Bachelor Finally Got Emily Maynard!

Emily Maynard is going to be the next Bachelorette! On one hand, yes! This couldn’t have been more perfect if I dreamed it up. Word on the street is Bentley is trying to compete during her season. Will ABC let him? Of course they will.

On the other hand, ick. This chick went on and on (and on) about wanting privacy – she’s a mom y’all – and not being a famewhore and really trying to make things work with Brad Womack. Why did she agree to find love on national television with a show that has a shitty success rate?

How much money do you think they offered her to agree?

*Kanye Shrug* I’ll watch regardless.

Revisiting Four Weddings and a Funeral

Do you have a film that you watch when you’re just having one of those shittier than usual days? I have about eight. “Eurotrip” is on that list as well as “Groundhog’s Day” and “Hot Tub Time Machine”.  I left all of my movies at home because I wanted to “focus on my writing". 

I hate myself for doing that. 

Luckily, my sister left hundreds of her films behind and in that collection was another film on my list: “Four Weddings and a Funeral”.

I love this movie so much. I can’t even begin to explain. If you’ve never seen it, watch it! If you have seen it, watch it again! It’s a perfect film, a romantic comedy without the insult to your intelligence. It’s a testament to how hot Hugh Grant once was. It’s a reminder that we Americans have yet to pull a film like this off.

Do We Want Izzie Back At Seattle Grace?

Katherine Heigl would love to return to “Grey’s Anatomy”.  But do we want her back?

Yes. No. Maybe.

God, I love Izzie and would love to see her back on Grey’s because I miss her on Grey’s. I really, really do. My heart broke when she left (click here). But the lady who plays her is so annoying. Tell me what to feel guys.

While she's probably banking, Heigl's career has been sucking lately from a creative standpoint. She's been in one shitty film after the next. And I don't get it.

She is a great actress; why is she agreeing to star in these atrocious films? Why is she such a smug bitch in interviews? Why is she making it so hard to root for her?

Damn.

When in Rome...

Re-runs of this? FML.

When you’re living in a different country, it’s important to be able to adapt and embrace your new environment.  When in Rome, don’t be the douchey American who brings his own utensils to a restaurant.

But when it comes to television, I just can’t. Because I’ve tried watching Nigerian television shows and I’m rolling my eyes so much, I look like I’m having a seizure.

The truth is, a lot of the shows here suffer from repetitive storylines, bad acting and even worse editing. I can deal with one of these issues but not three at the same time.

So I’m incredibly thankful for cable. It’s a luxury that I couldn’t afford on my own in the states but my parents are smart people; they bribed me into staying longer with the promise of cable television and all the cherimoya I can eat.

We have DSTV’s Family package so I don’t get MNet, which sucks (that channel shows “Glee”, “Grey’s Anatomy” and other shows I actually watch). But since we rarely have light during the day anyway, it’s not that big a deal.

What we do get is the Universal Channel, home of “Two and a Half Men”, “CSI” and every other crime/ law/ police drama that’s ever been on TV as well as B movies Lifetime wouldn’t air. On the bright side, “House” airs on Tuesdays at 8:50 pm. I’m down.

MNet Series Africa airs “The Bachelor”. Yesssssss! It’s two seasons behind but I may watch it anyway. Season 1 of “Parenthood” comes on at 8 on Sundays. “The 9 lives of Chloe King” and “Hellcats” air on Mondays. I tried watching Chloe King on Netflix one day. It was unusually bad. “Being Human” comes on after that though and I’ve wanted to watch it. Has anyone seen that show?

SCORE! “The Office” comes on right after “Friends With Benefits” (another show I wanted to check out) on Tuesdays.

“Switched at Birth” comes on Thursdays and “Person of Interest” on Fridays.

Do you think less of me since I'm putting together a schedule?

Happy New Year!

Greetings from Nigeria readers! I’m starting 2012 in a different country and have spent the last week eating, catching up with family and doing all the things I usually do when I’m on vacation. But this trip home is a little different from others as I mentioned (click here) because I’m not visiting for a few days; I’m going to be here for a few months. Since I don’t want to be a lazy fuck who sits on my ass all day and gets fat, my vacation is over. I’m rested, my blackberry service is up and running and I’m ready to start some sort of a normal schedule.

So I told myself I wasn’t going to do this because my time could be put to better use but I’ve spent the last four hours trying to stream an episode of “The Vampire Diaries” on my laptop.


Pathetic.

January is kind of a big deal for the TV addict. Last week shows started airing new episodes and I’m missing everything! I’m missing mid-season premieres and series premieres. I’m missing Twitter convos and EW.com and Gawker.com recaps because I REFUSE to go on any sites that may have spoilers. I’m missing phone conversations about “Revenge” with Johanna and texts to Viv about every ridiculous reality television show airing because she gets as much pleasure from seeing people act stupid as I do. Don’t get me started on missing “The Bachelor”. I know it’s shit but it’s shit I enjoy and my Monday nights feel so empty without it.

So I’m up trying to stream an episode of TVD just so I know I can.

I know people live without American television all over the world and they are happy human-beings but I can’t help but feel incomplete now.

I know. Pathetic.

How has 2012 been for you so far?