Winter Is NEVER Coming.

Not here.

Not in Nigeria.

I can't say I miss walking to the subway station in the snow. I hate feeling cold. I hate wearing jeans and puffy jackets, hats and gloves.

But. It's. So. Hot.

It's insane. If I could walk around in shorts and a tank without incurring the wrath of neighbors who already think I'm a ho, I totally would.

Anyway, this post was really just an excuse to show off my turban and maxi dress!

Look at my dress! I'm wearing a painting.

It's November in the west but here in Nigeria, summer lasts all year long.

Rich Girls Are Annoying.

I graduated from Rollins College. It's a small, fancy, liberal arts school in quaint Winter Park, FL. Going to Rollins was a blessing and I thank God every day for my scholarship donor and the Hamilton Holt School. At $50,000 a year for tuition, there is no way in hell I could afford to go to school there without financial assistance. The Holt school (evening classes) was significantly cheaper and I still needed scholarships to afford going there.

Anywho, one of my professors required the class to act as ushers during a book reading (it was a class of 8) my last year. It was a fancy event so I wore a fancy dress and a cardigan and I made sure my hair was pretty and I wore a little makeup so it looked like I tried. I saw one of my classmates (a day student) and she said hi and I said hi and she complimented me on my dress and I said thanks and told her I bought it at Forever 21.

Later that night when a group of us were together, this same girl points out that a string is loose on the dress. No biggie (I certainly wouldn't have mentioned it), I pulled the string and ripped it off and she said

"That's what you get for shopping at Forever 21".

My first thought: whatabitch!

Second thought: ugh, she's right.

Fast forward to Lagos Fashion and Design Week (I worked the event). Africa may be portrayed as this continent of suffering and poverty but that doesn't apply to everyone. Nigeria's wealthy are WEALTHY.

I was chatting with this girl (who is actually a sweetheart) and she was telling me about her store where she sells designer labels and I expressed interest in buying a handbag that wouldn't fall apart in a month. She asked how much I was willing to spend and I said $400 when I really meant $150. Maybe.

 But y'know, I wanted to look cool in front of the rich girl so I stretched the truth until it looked like a lie.

She laughed. And then told me she didn't have anything that cheap at her store.

$400 is cheap?

Ugh. I need to hang out with poorer people.

Anyway kids, these moments really do build character.

I'm Embarrassed For Justin Bieber

This is late but I still laugh out loud when I see this video and I thought I'd share my thoughts on it and risk the rage of Beliebers everywhere.

This is the first time I've truly experienced fontrum, a term Lainey is fond of, for someone. And it's not the Bieber of today I'm embarrassed for. He's a millionaire with a hot girlfriend and a million girls who'd happily take her place. He does not need my pity.


But 25 year old Bieber... is going to shudder when he watches "As Long As You Love Me". Because it's just so extra. The sexy pouty face, the frolicking with the video girlfriend, the dance sequence!!!

It's a narrative, why is there a dance sequence? Like why?

And I'm sorry but he doesn't need it. He's so talented. He's too good for this boy band shit.

Also, him getting his ass kicked so thoroughly by Michael Madsen is hilarious. They couldn't have him at least throw a punch or push him?

And one more thing, he should never get into acting. Ever.

When You Say "Let's Get Married" You Mean Forever, Right?

Forever eva forever eva forever eva?

I mean... Forever is a long time. A long time to be married to the same person. A long time to be sharing your space with another person. Is it even natural?

How well do you ever really know the person you're married to? It always fascinates me; watching those shows about husbands or wives that end up being serial killers. Not because I'm shocked but because this could happen to anyone! You think you know him/her but unless you have access to his/her head, you don't really know what's going on, do you?

Do you know the person you're sleeping next to?

Should you know the person you're sleeping next to? Call me crazy but there is nothing appealing to me about telling all of my secrets, thoughts, shit to another person. It's private and no I don't want to share. Am I the only one who thinks it's unhealthy to share every aspect of your life with another person?

Under the best circumstances, it's all so final and permanent. And how often is marriage under the best circumstances?

Yes I'm Judging You, Extreme Dog Lover.

I love dogs! I love their faces and the way they look when they're trying to tell you something. I love the way their tails wag when they're excited.

With that said, when I went to New York in September, I watched a lady share a cup of gelato with her maltipoo, using the same spoon. And I feel like a line was crossed.

Is this because I'm not a parent? Because I know how some dog owners are; their pets are their children. Which is great? But we can establish that dogs are not people, right?

I hear you extreme dog lovers: "Dogs aren't people. Dogs are BETTER".

Yeah, I agree with you on most days. I love my dog, Scooby. LOVE him. But Scooby has been known to lick chicken shit.

I'm just saying...