As a person who likes to have a plan, it's a daily struggle to embrace the present and not think about the future. What I'm learning on a daily basis is that I have no control over what happens in my life and I shouldn't worry about things I can't change.
I guess it's all about mastering the art of acceptance.
This is most certainly not the life I planned for myself, at least not in the details. Are any of us where we thought we would be when we were younger? Some of you probably are. Lucky bitches.
Well I am speaking to the rest of you when I say, continue to live through the experiences and circumstances and events that are making up your history. You'll find that you are closer to the woman/man you always imagined you'd be. Every day, remind yourself to just continue to work, work on being better, work on making decisions that would make that person proud.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Antigua 2013
Antigua is gorgeous.
I'll share more photos. Eventually.
Monday, October 27, 2014
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Disillusionment.
My disappointment with life when I realized highschools generally didn't have dance routines performed during prom.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Audubon Center for Birds of Prey
I travel down to Florida often. I was born and raised in Miami until the age of 12 and then I lived in Orlando while I attended college. I finally moved away for good when I was 23.
While I don't see myself living there again, I love visiting my friends and taking advantage of the awesome weather.
These photos were taken in July when I visited one of my oldest and dearest friends, Brandon.
Brandon volunteers at the center every week. He's a badass.
While I don't see myself living there again, I love visiting my friends and taking advantage of the awesome weather.
These photos were taken in July when I visited one of my oldest and dearest friends, Brandon.
Brandon volunteers at the center every week. He's a badass.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Almost 30.
Holy shit. I'm 28. How the hell did that happen? Where did the time go?
Am I happy to be getting older? Meh. I'm looking forward to my 30s but I worry. I mean, you guys, I thought I'd have a six-pack by now. My core is still soft and my ass is still cellulite-ridden. When will I have time to devote to CrossFit? Am I going to be physically average forever? What the hell am I doing with my life?
It makes me worry about accomplishments. Then I give myself a mental bitch-slap and get it together. I am proud of the life I have even though its not necessarily the life I wanted. Sure, I thought I'd be married with three kids by now. I thought I'd be a homeowner. I thought I'd own a shop. What I have instead is an amazing family, amazing friends, a job I love (when it's not making me crazy) a lot of stamps on my passport and the hard to come by IDM (i'mma do me) attitude . I don't believe in planning anymore. I don't believe in making myself miserable to please others. I do believe in being open to the possibilities of a path I've never walked before. I have no idea what the next year is going to be like and while I'm far from being ecstatic about the uncertainty of it all, I've learned to accept it and embrace it.
So yeah, I still have the athleticism of a stuffed animal. I'm working on it. I'm working on all of it. That counts for something, right?
Am I happy to be getting older? Meh. I'm looking forward to my 30s but I worry. I mean, you guys, I thought I'd have a six-pack by now. My core is still soft and my ass is still cellulite-ridden. When will I have time to devote to CrossFit? Am I going to be physically average forever? What the hell am I doing with my life?
It makes me worry about accomplishments. Then I give myself a mental bitch-slap and get it together. I am proud of the life I have even though its not necessarily the life I wanted. Sure, I thought I'd be married with three kids by now. I thought I'd be a homeowner. I thought I'd own a shop. What I have instead is an amazing family, amazing friends, a job I love (when it's not making me crazy) a lot of stamps on my passport and the hard to come by IDM (i'mma do me) attitude . I don't believe in planning anymore. I don't believe in making myself miserable to please others. I do believe in being open to the possibilities of a path I've never walked before. I have no idea what the next year is going to be like and while I'm far from being ecstatic about the uncertainty of it all, I've learned to accept it and embrace it.
So yeah, I still have the athleticism of a stuffed animal. I'm working on it. I'm working on all of it. That counts for something, right?
Thursday, October 16, 2014
This Beautiful Life.
"Don't shut God out".
Disclaimer for the readers that are awesome but not necessarily spiritual: I'mma get very Christian up in here, straight up Saved styles. I promise not to call you soulless atheists if you promise not to call me a bible thumper 'kay?
Sometimes God has a way of reaching out to you in ways you'd never expect. There I was finishing up an awesome interview with Ufuoma Ekpecham, the mastermind behind Josh & Nicol. I had everything I needed for the story but there's something about Ufuoma that makes you want to linger and continue the conversation. I imagine that if we were at a coffee house, we would have closed the place down.
There's no nee to rehash the whole thing. I will say that I am grateful. It was like she was sent to me to help me work through some things and I really really appreciate it. I needed to hear what Ufuoma said. I needed someone who has experienced the kind of loss I've experienced to remind me that now is not the time to shut myself off and be wary of God.
I used to be so strong in my faith. I was sure I had this bigger than life entity in my corner, watching out for me. When Dad and then Jay died, I lost that confidence. I wasn't just heartbroken, I was seriously wary of God and Christians. I basically side-eyed and eye-rolled my way through church on Sundays with the cynicism of a skeptic.
For the first time, I feel like I'm gong to get to a better place emotionally. I pray that as I continue to grow as a person, I'll be better prepared for the obstacles I will inevitably face in life.
Ufuoma, thank you so much. I honestly can't adequately explain what you did for me that day when you chatted with me about your life and when you talked about your relationship with God.
Disclaimer for the readers that are awesome but not necessarily spiritual: I'mma get very Christian up in here, straight up Saved styles. I promise not to call you soulless atheists if you promise not to call me a bible thumper 'kay?
Sometimes God has a way of reaching out to you in ways you'd never expect. There I was finishing up an awesome interview with Ufuoma Ekpecham, the mastermind behind Josh & Nicol. I had everything I needed for the story but there's something about Ufuoma that makes you want to linger and continue the conversation. I imagine that if we were at a coffee house, we would have closed the place down.
There's no nee to rehash the whole thing. I will say that I am grateful. It was like she was sent to me to help me work through some things and I really really appreciate it. I needed to hear what Ufuoma said. I needed someone who has experienced the kind of loss I've experienced to remind me that now is not the time to shut myself off and be wary of God.
I used to be so strong in my faith. I was sure I had this bigger than life entity in my corner, watching out for me. When Dad and then Jay died, I lost that confidence. I wasn't just heartbroken, I was seriously wary of God and Christians. I basically side-eyed and eye-rolled my way through church on Sundays with the cynicism of a skeptic.
For the first time, I feel like I'm gong to get to a better place emotionally. I pray that as I continue to grow as a person, I'll be better prepared for the obstacles I will inevitably face in life.
Ufuoma, thank you so much. I honestly can't adequately explain what you did for me that day when you chatted with me about your life and when you talked about your relationship with God.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Moving Forward.
One of the biggest shifts in my way of thinking has been the realization that my faith does not exempt me from heartache. Being Christian does not make me special. It seems like a simple enough notion but truly understanding that shit happens regardless of whether you are good or not was a straight-up epiphany.
Being "good" doesn't mean God, or the universe, or whatever sovereign power, owes me. My faith is not the secret to a life void of heartache. And that shouldn't be the motivation anyway. You can be the most God-fearing person in the world and bad crap may still happen. And that's what we call life.
It's what we do when life isn't all rosy that really matters.These days, my biggest prayer-point is to ask for the strength to get through whatever life decides to throw at me that day. I ask that I never lose my desire to live, that I'm never made bitter by my circumstances, I pray for the strength to always do the right thing, to make compassionate decisions regardless of how many times I've been burned.
I'll tell ya guys, it's a fucking process.
Being "good" doesn't mean God, or the universe, or whatever sovereign power, owes me. My faith is not the secret to a life void of heartache. And that shouldn't be the motivation anyway. You can be the most God-fearing person in the world and bad crap may still happen. And that's what we call life.
It's what we do when life isn't all rosy that really matters.These days, my biggest prayer-point is to ask for the strength to get through whatever life decides to throw at me that day. I ask that I never lose my desire to live, that I'm never made bitter by my circumstances, I pray for the strength to always do the right thing, to make compassionate decisions regardless of how many times I've been burned.
I'll tell ya guys, it's a fucking process.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
To All The Insensitive Assholes Out There.
It is incredibly messed up to assume that because you are a Christian, your life will not be shit one day. Because what you are saying is that every time something bad happens to someone, they somehow deserved it. What you are saying is that they did not pray hard enough.
It's incredibly offensive.
Telling someone who just lost a loved one "I hope he was a Christian" is offensive.
Asking someone who just lost a loved one "Did you guys tithe regularly?" is offensive.
It's always odd to me that the ones that claim to be full of Christ's love are often the most judgmental, inconsiderate, self-righteous people on the planet.
It's incredibly offensive.
Telling someone who just lost a loved one "I hope he was a Christian" is offensive.
Asking someone who just lost a loved one "Did you guys tithe regularly?" is offensive.
It's always odd to me that the ones that claim to be full of Christ's love are often the most judgmental, inconsiderate, self-righteous people on the planet.
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